Awakening

Two things I know better now than when I left- One God is great. The other is that I'm tiny. Like microscopic. Picture a grain of sand on a stretch of beach. Pick it up- You can't even pick just one up, can you? You get one you get a thousand. A grain of sand might fly into you with the speed of a freight train and you might not notice.

The immensity of my smallness is mind-boggling (blogging?). Alright, enough with the cheesy humor!

I went into the mission field a dreamy-eyed boy with his head in the clouds. I knew the principles of living the life of a follower of Christ, but because I didn't have any real-world experience all my understanding was theoretical. The scriptures, like a textbook, provided me with knowledge, and answered my questions, but I didn't have the application because I hadn't seen enough people change. That is essential! Change is the whole reason we came here rather than live in pre-mortality forever.

Did we know the Plan of Salvation before? Of course. If not for the veil, we wouldn't have to be reminded of that here. So learning is not the primary goal of mortality, although it is noble. We are truly here to change, to experience life and find a way to deal with it through the Savior. Which means (like I learned in the mission field) it's not enough to spend all our waking hours studying, pondering, reading, praying and worshipping. That is what I did at home, and it became a struggle for missionaries who carried that attitude.

To fill all our time with good things is not good enough. We cannot afford to neglect the best- Christlike service to others. To live otherwise is avoiding the real purpose of life. Those formerly mentioned activities- reading the scriptures, praying, and other activities- are a means to an end. They lift us through our lives. They are not to take the place of them. Faith without works is dead!

One of my favorite quotes is from D. Todd Christofferson. He says "go to work so there is something for God to help us with!"

We must be engaged in the world. Be "in the world"- not by force but by choice! You being born should not be the only reason you're here. If you take that attitude you will end up simply biding your time through mortality, and that is not what the Savior wants. He set the example for us by working! He knew there would be a night, and He would have to account for what had happened. But along with your conscious choice to be in the world, also choose to not allow yourself to be converted to the world- do not be "of the world."

The "human experience" is an interesting phrase, because since it involves any experience had by humans it could be left at experience. Regardless, relationships will always be at the heart of the "human experience." My time in the mission field gave me opportunities to practice this. I had some time in the gym. Almost like a football play or any athletic drill- you run it over and over until it comes as close to perfect as possible for you. That's a good comparison for the mission field. You get up, go throughout your day trying to make as few mistakes as possible, but you do make them. So the next day you try to avoid those and you end up making others that seem to sneak out of nowhere. And so it goes.

This is why missions are stressful. But it's not missions alone- anyone who strives to live the Gospel can relate with this. As covenant people we have a lot of weight on our shoulders. The standard for us is different. There is no connection between God's expectations and society's expectations but such as is created when individuals within society adapt God's standards.

There is a mix, I think, of two ways to deal with this. Both can be helpful at certain points. One, you stop trying- lower your vision and your expectations. You give up and tell God "I just can't do this part of it right now." That is one way people deal with stress. Change the activity, get out of the situation- whatever you need to do to regroup and focus on the one thing that's important at that point in time.

Sometimes that type of surrender is associated with failure and cowardice. And that's where the other solution comes in, to give us an answer to the question "am I not failing by walking away?" And that answer, which is no, comes from perspective.

Heavenly Father has THE perspective. He's the only one with all the answers. For our perspectives to be helpful, they need to be based in His perspective. Because sometimes He knows when we are trying to do things that we aren't capable of doing at the time we are doing them. That is why He teaches "it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength." It is not always failure to recognize your weakness and say "right now, this is too much for me." If it is important to God, it will get done- but He would rather have someone else do it than have you paralyzed and full of fear. God's work will involve a lot of stress, but not that kind. God will always motivate. He is only harsh on the rebellious.

I suppose what I'm trying to express here could be summed up in one word- desire. Sometimes our passion for perfection beats our desire for God or His Spirit. God expects our desire, our passion, and our heart, but when we get in His way and say I'm going to be accountable to myself- when I win I'm going to give myself credit, and when I fall short I'm going to be the one to punish myself, there's the problem. You are not the final judge of what you've done and who you are- That requires divine perspective. To reach a higher plane, someone has to pull us up.

Now I know someone who reads this is thinking I'm advocating some type of "no-fault discipleship". Aren't we supposed to hold ourselves accountable? Isn't that essential? And shouldn't we be alarmed if something in our lives isn't right? And isn't there anything we can do about it?

First, we do need to hold ourselves accountable. Accountable to God, only. When we get lost in trying to meet what others or ourselves would have it will become a big mud puddle. We do not obey ourselves. We can set goals, but it is more of a good time than a consequential pattern of choices with eternal consequences. Church leaders and the government are obvious exceptions as far as their counsel originates with God!

Second, only as far as it helps us repent. In other words, if it comes from a desire to be close to God, it's good. It gets the stamp of approval. However, if it comes from you wanting to be perfect in something not important to God than it's obviously not from God. He wouldn't ask you to do something unimportant to Him. In this case, it's from the other side, so be careful! And remember that perfection will not come in this life so don't get consumed by it- don't covet something you won't be able to obtain!

There is perhaps a more complex question at the bottom of this: "Why did He, knowing that we couldn't reach perfection as mortals, then command us to be perfect? Why did He ask us to be something we absolutely couldn't?" I do not have a simple answer for that question. But I do have some deep speculation that might cause you to get lost in "wandering roads" diverging from the tree of life- or make you think. Like the forbidden fruit...

We can look in the scriptures and find at least one example of conflicting commandments- the Garden of Eden. Why would God bring this to pass?

In Isaiah, God states "my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." In Psalms, we are taught to "lean not unto (our) own understanding." Teachings like this tell me part of the answer to this question.

If we partake of the fruit because we desire the "eternal life of man," are we guilty of breaking a commandment? Only according to the letter of the commandments; not the purpose.

God was testing Adam's (and Eve's) ability to be independent from Himself by seeing whether He would look beyond the words he was told at what was actually taking place in the eternal plan. Would God have the entire Plan frustrated because of Adam's solely literal (letter) obedience by not eating the fruit, or would He rather have Adam's heartfelt obedience to a greater commandment- the commandment to love?

Also think about this: What is the difference between Adam & Eve partaking to spite Heavenly Father and them doing it out of love for the human race, realizing that only through their descension could they enable out mortal experience and thereby our happiness? Truly "Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they may have joy."

Ironically, the selfish choice and probably more sinful (according to my judgement) would have been to remain in the garden of Eden. This would be denying us our second estate. Not good!

How does this connect to perfectionist tendencies and the stress disciples experience from it? It's just like the garden- the literal commandment is to be perfect, but what is the greatest commandment? LOVE, and do whatever it takes to do the actions associated with that v-e-r-b.

If I was trying to think my way through the Plan of Salvation, calculating the fastest way to land myself in the Celestial Kingdom and gain exaltation, I would keep the greatest commandment. If obedience if the first law of heaven, what straighter, simpler way to perfection could there be than keeping the most important commandment?

So when you get worried about being perfect, don't ask "am I perfect?" Ask "do I love perfectly?" That means everyone, everywhere, all the time.

If you love (verb) perfectly God and your fellow man, you will be perfect in the true sense of the word. The sense that God always uses and certainly the sense He was using when He gave that commandment in the first place.

Sometimes people measure perfection by human scales- what do I eat, what are my habits, what is my IQ, how much am I achieving- It's at that point that people beat themselves up. It's no wonder, because in the world there is always better, bigger, stronger... There is no possible way for a mortal to be perfect according to his own standard. Even when they are succeeding according to God, the Devil always manages to convince these people they are failing at something. They get discouraged. And this tends to happen, in my experience, with some of the most dedicated disciples and consecrated Christians. It's a great temptation for Satan to be able to get someone normally out of his reach, because it appeals to their desire to be good!

This is why the Gospel must be taught and understood simply- a few simple perversions and viola! Apostasy. Lucifer turns a commandment designed to keep us safe into a weapon used for our spiritual destruction.

If we allow our energy to be consumed by sharpening our intellectual perception and tangible obedience of God's law, we are in danger of missing the purpose thereof.

The Lord would rather have real disciples serving with whole heart in His kingdom, helping to carry out His great plan than a class of straight A students in the school of life.

-Jacob

P.S. Not sure why this topic reminds me of a song...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrsJL_HlsAs